Angry Young Man
By Steve GillmanI was an angry young man many years ago, so I know a bit about the phenomenon. Unfortunately being angrily opinionated is not limited to young men or women, but during youth is when this negative power seems to be at its most dangerous. Here is what I see in the angry opinions that many people feel the need to voice.
The angry young man (or any angrily opinionated person) has discovered the TRUTH. What’s more, now that he has discovered it, it is obvious. So obvious, in fact, that others must be able to see it just as clearly once he points it out. If they say they don’t see it the same way, they’re clearly either stupid or lying. In the case of the latter they are evil, of course.
Maybe you have known an angry opinionator. Maybe you have even been one at some point. As I wrote this I went online and (ironically) found a blog called “The Opinionator,” with this on the first page; “Now that Barack Obama… has been elected President I suggest that you go buy your semi-auto ‘assault rifles’, magazines and ammo now.” Angry young men seem to think the world is out to get them, so they better be prepared.
There are many reasons for anger, but for now I am just talking about the anger that comes with ideas, opinions and beliefs. Notice that there is little anger involved in “opinions” which align with reality in a direct way that all can experience. For example, we note casually (not angrily) that the sun gives light and oceans have water. What’s more, if someone disputes these facts, the response is not likely anger - not even from an opinionator. The more likely response would be, “Is this guy crazy or joking?”
Why is there no anger? In part it is because these “mere facts” are not important to a person’s identity. On the other hand, beliefs that “liberals spend more,” or “conservatives want war” are often experienced very differently. If people held these “truths” like they held that there is water in the ocean - without ego - they would probably accept people’s disagreement as their problem - or ask for their reasons in case they are right.
What we believe often becomes an important part of our “self.” Although simple facts are rarely felt as an important part of identity, ideology is. If a young man finds meaning in a religious, political or philosophical conversion of some sort, he becomes very sensitive to anything that seems to attack the accompanying beliefs. It is felt as an attack on who he is.
We all can understand this from our own experience if we want to. For example, consider how you might feel if someone says “I hate Earth.” Chances are, you wouldn’t have much response, but what if the person says the same thing about your country? Anger is more likely, isn’t it? You do not identify with “Earth” the same way you do with your country, even though the planet is objectively more important than your country is.
We are never 100% certain about most things, including who we are. We want more certainty, so we try to create it. We adopt beliefs that become an important part of who we are, and we seek confirmation from others. Talking to those who share our beliefs helps us fight any doubts about what we think is true and what it means to us. But what happens when we run across someone who doesn’t agree with what we see as truth?
A rational response might be to ask questions just in case we happen to be wrong. A typical response is to immediately argue and defend our position. It is as if a man was poking us in the eye, against which we would all defend ourselves. But is a contrary opinion is not a poke in the eye, nor an attack on any part of us that matters, is it?
In the angry young man, it does matter. In fact, his opinions become perhaps the most important part of his self (or what we might call ego or false self).
What about helping such people get past their anger? If you tell such a person, “You are not your opinions,” you’ll probably be misunderstood and dismissed. Show them the harm their anger does to themsleves and those around them and it will likely be felt as an attack against which they must defend.
My own curiosity as a young man lead me to explore so many ideas that I eventually couldn’t identify with any as “sacred to my self” since they were all so plainly temporary. I couldn’t pretend that the “TRUTH” had been captured once and for all in a set of words, when I saw plainly how I had changed my mind (and am still changing it) and words as I learned more.
Is that a clue? Could we show angry opinionators that their defense of opinions gets in the way of searching for truth, in the hopes that they will identify more strongly with truth than with specific beliefs? I don’t know. It may be better to first correct these destructive tendencies in ourselves. We all like to think we’re interested only in truth. But consider how often we look only for that which confirms our beliefs. The fact that we would ever ignore truths we don’t like shows how strongly we identify with what we believe.
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